weev

Please Gypsy Crusader, discipline that errant monkey.

Every time you go to a place with infantile consumer decor you risk this: What if this is your last moment? What if you have a heart attack or a brown criminal shoots you? You are dying right here, with complete indignity, in front of a sign that says “I love tacos so much.” Death is not an abstract concept. Memento mori. If you are going to inhabit a space in public, be it one you are willing to die in. Seriously.

I will be a real American by blood and soil and spirit for all eternity. If reincarnation is real I will continue to incarnate as an American, deriding and belittling Canadians in every single future life. I never wish to depart the cycle of samsara because no number of lives insulting Canadians will ever be enough. I will kill any remnant of Buddha in my own heart so I can continue to call them shit-sniffing sodomites forever.

It's nice to see Richard Spencer finally becoming relatable to normal Americans, becoming an obese piece of shit and dating a similarly fat post-wall slore that’s spent decades on the cock carousel. This is unironically the most relatable to normal people he’s ever been. The beginning of his ascension to everyman status, starting with his BMI.

Bryan Johnson, the ex-Mormon billionaire who is most famous for monitoring his son’s erections when he sleeps now wants you to know that his doctors really want him to stick things in his ass. I imagine the monologue goes something like this: “Doctor, I absolutely don't want to stick anything in my ass, but I hear rectal thermometers are more accurate. Oh jeez they are? Christ, I don't want to stick anything in my ass. Like, at all. I'm a completely straight man that monitors my son's erections. I just wonder if I am truly committed to taking my temperature. I mean, I’ve put a lot of money in this whole biological monitoring technology thing. I have a fiduciary duty to my investors." "Okay my doctors are right. I cannot betray all the investors. I just have to stick things in my ass.” “Let me take my temperature while monitoring my son's penile plethysmograph.” “Not getting a good reading. going to have to take more measurements. Different angles.”