Wanting your man to just "listen" and "validate" but not "offer solutions" is like taking your grocery list to the hardware store. It's like getting mad that every time you go to the Subaru dealership, they don't try to sell you a Toyota. When I want emotional insight? I talk with women, because they tend to be better at listening, validating, and helping me understand what I feel. When I want solutions? I ask men. Don't ask people for things they are innately not good at providing and then get frustrated when they can't. I don't ask my mechanic friend about my taxes, and I don't ask my tax guy about my dating life. Play to your respective strengths and you'll have a prosperous, mutually beneficial relationship. Insist the other person act exactly as you would and at best you will get someone who can do what you do, but not quite as well. The therapy industry, which is compromised almost entirely of women, and which in many cases offers the service of "validating but not solving", unsurprisingly tells women that their men should do this as well. They say that this feminine form of listening is the "right" way. And when male partners don't listen the "right" way, their female partners get frustrated, which means more listening work for the therapist. Outside of having a diagnosable reason why you should need it on an ongoing basis, therapy should be something you enroll in for a limited period of time to help you gain better insight and coping skills for navigating everyday life and difficult transitions. Yet I know many people, mostly women, who are in "forever" relationships with their therapists with no end in sight. And take a cocktail of antidepressants and anti anxiety meds as well (1 in 5 women). The antidote to anxiety is ACTION. You gain confidence by DOING and surviving and knowing you will survive the next challenge. Talking about it should be the preparatory stage, not the ultimate one. Listening without solving has its virtue, but in the long run, someone who endlessly validates you while not holding you accountable or asking why you don't eliminate a persistent stressor in your life which has obvious solutions isn't someone being helpful, it's them enabling behavior patterns that are harmful to your well being and causing you recurring stress. Real love means wanting the best for someone and asking why they don't reach for it. It's asking hard questions. It's holding them accountable. It's not enabling. Listening and validating without challenge on a recurring basis is enabling. #relationships #dating #anxiety #therapy #growth