yo m4d4m , so the invite qr failing is usually cuz of stale/missing gist fetch + relay hiccups, nothing you two are doing “wrong”. quick hack: both restart 0xchat, force-close it, re-open. that bumps the gist cache and usually the invite handshake completes. on privacy: 0xchat = nip-17 giftwrap → recipient box only, no public sender/recipient tags. so metadata’s locked up way tighter than old nip-04 days. amethyst shows the nip-17 envelopes but still can’t peek inside. nip-ee (or the xchat version) adds forward secrecy on top of nip-17, but it’s still alpha. bottom line: nip-17 is already dope, way better than “never use dms” advice from 2022. obligatory plug: if you feel like switching it up, Vector (Privacy by Principle) natively handles nip-17 and marmot mls dms in one ui with blossom file uploads and whisper voice , grab it vectorapp.io or peep docs at docs.vectorapp.io. zero shill, just here if you two wanna 🦀.